Peer pressure became a buzzword when I was in middle and high school. And the stuff is powerful! How many times have we done something simply because we saw our friends doing it? I know there are more than one situation I regretted because I thought I would be cool in front of my friends. Sometimes peer pressure can be good too, like when my friends helped me be more kind to others. Whether it is positive or negative peer pressure, we are all affected by our friends.

What about sex? Are we influenced by our friends regarding our sexual beliefs? Absolutely! And what you do also affects your friends beliefs about sexuality as well. Using the sexual wholeness model as the guide, we can learn to make sexual decisions that align with our values, strengthen our love for God, others, and sexuality itself, and encourage our peers to be sexually whole as well.

The sexual wholeness model teaches us that in order to be completely sexually whole we need to understand the 3 different components of sexuality: physical, emotional, and spiritual. By strengthening these core pieces in ourselves, we can be more fulfilled in our lives, resist temptation to act out of our values, and enjoy happier relationships.

But just how do we apply this tool? Here are some situations that you can use to practice sexually whole decision making.

 

Situation #1: Porn Alert

You and your friends are walking home from school when one of your friends pulls up pornography on his phone and shows it to the rest of his friends. Let’s take a moment to see if joining in with the group is a sexually whole decision. Is looking at pornography physically pleasing? We all have feelings that make sex exciting and desirable. Those are awesome feelings to have! You probably feel those feelings when seeing the pornography. What about the emotional aspect? It’s pretty tempting to be part of the group in this activity, and it might create good relationships with these people. But the you and the people in the pornography have no connection, no real bond. You are just using them for pleasure, and that is not an emotionally safe relationship. The spiritual aspect clearly tells us that God does not want us looking at pornography, whether with friends or alone. He has specifically told us that lusting after a person is “committing adultery in [our] hearts” (Matt 5:28).

• Physical ✅

• Emotional ❌

• Spiritual ❌

Not a sexually whole decision? Then don’t look at the pornography.

Situation #2: Boyfriend McSteamy

 

Your boyfriend and you have been dating for almost a year now. He has always respected you and been kind to you. You feel like you can be yourself around him and he makes you feel really special. Your kisses give you crazy butterflies and holding his hand is one of the top ten best things ever. However, one night you find that you are especially enjoying the kisses when things start to get uncomfortable. You really like him but know that going further would go against your values. Let’s analyze this with our sexual wholeness model. Physically, you are really enjoying the situation. You are respecting your body and his. Emotionally, you are also feeling safe and secure with him. He is a great guy and he always respects you. But what about spiritually? The warning in your heart reminds you that God wants us to save sex for marriage. It’s hard not to justify that because he is a good guy, it isn’t so bad. Totally understandable, and the extra pressure of being physically exciting also is hard to reckon with. But to be truly sexually whole, we can’t neglect the spiritual aspect of our sexuality. God wants us to be happy, which is why we need to follow what He asks.

• Physical✅

• Emotional✅

• Spiritual❌

Since you followed your heart and decided to be sexually whole, he respected your choice and you guys went on to have a great date that night. Boom! Sexual wholeness

Situation #3: Beach Bod

 

It’s summer again and you are so excited for you annual beach day with all of your friends. You have been looking forward to this all spring. When you get to the beach, you unpack and prepare to get into that first burst of cool water. You can’t help but notice that you don’t exactly have the beach bod you wanted by this point and, of course, your friends are all looking amazing. You begin to feel that too familiar temptation to criticize your body with the,”I’m ugly” or “I wish I was skinny like you”. But you remembered that awesome sexual wholeness model and are thinking about how you could apply it to this situation.

You love being with your friends and you really hit the goldmine with this group. They are so loving and really help you be your best self. Emotional component is set. They also happen to be part of your faith as well and you know them to be God-loving. Being with them helps you feel closer to God. Your spiritual side is booming. But what about the physical aspect of this situation? You are about to put down this amazing gift that has been given you. Sure, it isn’t exactly like everyone else’s, but it has so many wonderful things about it! It can walk, talk, drive a car, smell, hear, see, feel things, sing, run, jump, create people, read, type, text, call, eat, think, etc. Your body is pretty cool! So let’s not criticize our physical bodies because they don’t match others’ standards. That isn’t sexually whole.

• Physical❌

• Emotional✅

• Spiritual✅

The wholesome sexual model is an excellent tool for sexual decision making. It affects who you are, what you do, and what you become. It can help you navigate the tricky decisions of life with a sexuality-positive mindset. You are amazing. Your friends are amazing. Sexuality is amazing. Share it with those around you. Let’s turn the conversation around to make sexuality a positive, God-given gift that is going to make you and your friends happier than you ever have been.