Picture this. You finally get to have some time with your BFF after school all day. You need to talk to them… BAD. Stress is building, school is the worst, and you just need to vent to someone. You meet up, you say, “Man, I really need to talk to you.” They say, “I’m all ears!” and you are off into your story. Right when you are getting to the good part when you see they aren’t interested anymore and then they turn to another person and start talking to them. You feel disrespected, and invalidated. Super rude!

Then you put down your phone and try and remember if you had responded to what your brother had just said before you started checking Facebook.

Phubbing (phone snubbing). It’s happened to all of us. We all have been enjoying a conversation with another when we hear the buzz and we know that we are no longer the priority of the moment before they even pull the phone out. Or worse, we have found ourselves pulling out our phone, almost against our will, and typing away with more vigor and purpose than the person on the other end of the table ever experienced in our own conversation. Although it can be a real annoyance in any friendship, it can have a lot of effects in how we treat our future partner and spouse.

Whether you know it or not, when you phub someone you are sending the message that they aren’t important enough to have your attention. Obviously there are some understandable why you need to pull your phone out while talking to someone, but most of the time it can wait. The person in front of you has you in front of them; shouldn’t they have your mind too?

To be sexually whole with our spouse like God intends, we should open our whole hearts and souls to them. Healthy, positive relationships are built on emotional safety and security. This means that it is safe to be you in the relationship and that you know you are worthy of your partner’s love and time. If you were having a conversation with your spouse and then they phubbed you, you would probably be pretty upset. You wouldn’t feel emotionally safe. You’d probably think to yourself, “Why do I bother talking if they don’t even care?” It is the same principle with your friends and dating partners. They deserve your attention, not your phone.

So decide now to take back your life from the phub. Your date and your spouse will thank you! And you probably will find it easier to connect with people and prepare for a happy, sexually whole, marriage when you learn to put down the phone and pick up the real connection you are trying to create.