Help your friends appreciate their bodies.
Body shame is EVERYWHERE. We are constantly bombarded with messages of the shape our bodies should be, the way our faces should look, the right way to style our hair, etc., etc., etc. These messages are really damaging because, according to the media, we are never good enough. There will always be something they want us to improve and something about us that just falls short.
These messages are bogus! God has given us our bodies and they are amazing! We need to constantly remind ourselves and others of this truth. One of the biggest things we can do to help others overcome body shame is being a good friend. Good friends help you be the best you you can be. Surely we are only our best selves when we love, appreciate, and take care of our bodies.
I have had many good friends who have made a huge difference in the way I looked at my body.
During my teen years I never saw myself as enough. I spent a lot of money on makeup and beauty products that promised they would help me finally achieve the look I wanted. However, they never did. I want to tell you about three amazing people who helped me see myself for who I really was and who taught me to absolutely love my body.
1. Kirsten
Kirsten was one of my roommates in college. We were instant friends, teammates, partners in crime, but I mostly consider her to be my big sister. One of the things about Kirsten that really impressed me was that she was so comfortable in her own skin. She wore little makeup and I never ever heard her say anything negative about her body. At the time we were first roommates, I still had the mentality that ruled my high school: Your looks are everything and you are not enough. I would express things to Kirsten like “Wait I can’t go out now I don’t have makeup on!” She would respond emphatically “You don’t need it girl!”, or something along those lines.
I remember one specific instance when we had just gotten home from practice and were sweaty with flushed faces. There was a fun group activity with our church planned, but if we wanted to make it we had to leave right away. I said “We can’t go, we look so gross!” She responded “Boys love that exercise look!” She said it jokingly, but the real message came from her actions, not her words. Her actions told me that we were enough, that people should see us for who we really are, not for what we look like. Kirsten is still one of the most beautiful people I know, and it’s because what she shows is her true self.
2. Nathan
Nathan has been one of my greatest friends since third grade. I remember hanging out with him a lot in high school. Back then I would constantly complain about my body weight around others. It really wasn’t for attention, I felt like I had to somehow make an excuse for not being a size 0, as if my weight was offending everyone around me. I was really insecure and would bring it up constantly.
One day, I made a similar remark about how fat I thought I was, and Nathan responded “NO. You are not fat. STOP IT. You are so beautiful”. It sounds a little intense, but hearing a boy tell me that I was enough just the way I was really got the wheels turning for me. “Could I really be enough?” I thought to myself. This didn’t solve all of my body shaming issues, but it did change the way I thought about myself. I realized that there were boys out there who could love me the way I was, for who I truly am. Six years later, I married that boy and he still makes me feel beautiful each and every day.
3. Tia
One of the most impactful moments for me in my journey to overcome body shame involved Tia. I was attending a church youth summer camp and we were talking about divine nature and individual worth. This means the godliness we have inside of us and the infinite value we each have just for being us! One of the speakers shared her belief of how she is a daughter of God. She taught that if we are children of God, the most powerful and amazing Being in the universe, we must be amazing. If the creator of the world and the universe thinks that we’re His greatest creation, we must be pretty amazing.
Although Tia wasn’t specifically talking about body image, the realization that I am a daughter of the Highest King was stunning and inexplicably impactful. Realizing how amazing I am because of who my Heavenly Father is changed my life. I don’t have to impress the world or fit the standards in the media, I am a daughter of God! And that gives me more self-esteem and self-confidence than I’ll ever need. I will be eternally grateful for Tia for sharing her belief in her divine worth.
So what can we learn from these three amazing people?
- Show your friends that you love your body, no matter what shape, size, or color it is. It really is contagious.
- Don’t let your friends put down their bodies. Be firm in your belief that everyone’s body comes from God, which automatically makes it beautiful.
- Remember that your body comes from God. Any time you think something negative about your body, remind yourself “This thought doesn’t come from God, which means it’s not true”
You can make such a difference as a good friend to those who struggle with body shame. The world needs more people like that. Start being the influence the world needs today.
