“Just like in the movies” is one phrase that I don’t want to be used in describing my love life. Although I love an occasional romcom (romantic-comedy) like everybody else, I have been trying to look at what the movie is trying to teach me about love lately and I’m a little disappointed. The things they show aren’t anywhere close to the reality of most healthy relationships. I guess what bothers me most is how I still end up comparing the “love” in the movies to my own life. Hence the need for this blog. As you read, think about how these messages have affected your own beliefs about love.
Love is Easy/Requires No Effort
I call this one the Disney Princess message cause of the “happily ever after” feel (and by no means am I saying I don’t like Disney Princess movies CAUSE I LOVE THEM! #allaboutthattangledlife). But honestly, do we really think that love is this simple? From what I have seen from actual happy couples, it looks like they have to put a lot of work in to make sure their relationship stays top priority. I see them apologize frequently and take responsibility for their actions. Love ain’t easy… and that’s okay!
Love is Dramatic
Drama, drama, drama! Aren’t we tired of that yet? It’s almost comical how much crazy things happen in every relationship I see on TV. Of course, love can be dramatic and intense at times but most of real love is going shopping for date night. Real love isn’t like the ocean with its constantly changing waves but like the steady rock that powers through whatever comes. Life is dramatic enough, don’t go for more!
Love Requires Fighting
Ugh… cmon people! Fighting is actually one of those things you should try and avoid in a relationship and when you do need to discuss concerns it should be calm and well thought out. When I see movies where the two people lose control and throw things then end up falling for each other because of it, I have to gag. If someone is throwing things and is freaking out, its called an emotionally unsafe relationship… we can do better.
Love Requires an Initial Physical Attraction
The girl walks into the dance hall all alone then she looks up. There is the boy she has always wanted to talk to and they lock eyes from across the room. That’s love… or is it creepy? The best relationships are built on friendship and solid communication, not hormonal reactions to a pretty face.
Life is Perfect With Love
So this one is tricky. The short answer is no, life is not perfect with love. However, love can make life extremely wonderful and enjoyable. Love should be sought after and the road of life can be infinitely better and more fulfilling than to try and make it on your own. Just don’t expect your love to be the only factor of whether you are happy. I’m afraid to say The Beatles were wrong. All you need is love (and some sense, maturity, safe relationship, discussion of future plans and how you will manage difficulties when they arise, a long enough courtship to see red flags when they arise, etc. etc.)
Love is Life’s Main Goal
As hinted to previously, love is a great thing to reach for. However, it is incomplete. Any Psych 101 student can tell you that Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is topped with “self-actualization”, not love. Although love is an important part of a fulfilled life, to set love as the highest goal limits ourselves and sets us up for failure. Your potential is not only defined as whether you fall in love or not! You can do so much good with or without love and, though it is a worthy goal to find love, you should be aiming much higher.
Sex will tell you if it’s true love
BOOOOO!!! THIS IS TOTALLY FALSE! IF YOU GET ANYTHING FROM THIS BLOG, GET THIS!! Sex is a wonderful part of a committed love life. hen you are completely committed to a person (ACTUALLY committed #marriageonly), sex can bring you so close to them and you can feel so much joy. However, sex is not something to throw around to find out if you are truly in love. You should be so confident with your choice by marrying the person before sharing this most sacred and intimate part of yourself.
Playing the game works and is a good idea
No it doesn’t and no it isn’t. There. Now you know. Be honest and truthful about your feelings. You don’t want to play the game your whole life. It might be fun for a little bit, but it will come back to bite you.
